Got Guilt?

It's difficult enough dealing with your own shit while negotiating through life. Often we accept without question or hesitation the responsibility of caring for others, children, spouses, aged parents, etc.,. Even dear friends who may be unable to care for themselves. We do it out of love. Is there a point at which it's alright to refuse? To say "No". I may have sympathy for what you are going through but I will not except the responsibility of getting you through it? 

Fillie attempted to commit suicide. He told his family and the doctors it was my fault. That he loved me and I told him he meant nothing to me. The pain of which drove him to this desperate act. After our falling out in March I did see him on two different weekends. Once here and once at his place. Neither ended well. He is extremely controlling. I do not know him well enough.... have not known him long enough to be responsible for his decision. He wanted to see me but how could I? If he was desperate enough to take his own life might he try to take me with him on a second attempt? I am not willing to take that risk. 

I am truly pained and conflicted by all of this.  The Nurturer in me wants to care for him...try to heal him. The Realist in me is rolling her eyes thinking I must be insane for even entertaining the thought. I have only known this person for six months and this is to much to ask. My own life is so far from where I want it to be right now. How can I turn my back on myself in order to care for another? Does this make me a bad person? A failed christian? A total bitch? What is the limit? how much is too much for someone to ask of you?


Here is a fable titled:  Receiving The Gift Of Limits
~ by Rabbi Edwin Friedman
an excerpt from The Emotionally Healthy Church by Peter Scazzero

Rabbi Edwin Friedman tells the story of a man who had given much thought to what he wanted from life. After trying many things, succeeding at some and failing at others, he finally decided what he wanted. One day the opportunity came for him to experience exactly the way of living that he had dreamed about. But the opportunity would be available only for a short time. It would not wait, and it would not come again.
Eager to take advantage of this open pathway, the man started on his journey. With each step, he moved faster and faster. Each time he thought about his goal, his heart beat quicker; and with each vision of what lay ahead, he found renewed vigor.
As he hurried along, he came to a bridge that crossed through the middle of a town. The bridge spanned high above a dangerous river.
After starting across the bridge, he noticed someone coming the opposite direction. The stranger seemed to be coming toward him to greet him. A the stranger grew closer, the man could discern that they didn't know each other, but yet they looked amazingly similar. They were even dressed alike. The only difference was that the stranger had a rope wrapped many times around his waist. If stretched out, the rope would reach a length of perhaps thirty feet.
The stranger began to unwrap the rope as he walked. Just as the two men were about to meet, the stranger said, "Pardon me, would you be so kind as to hold the end of the rope for me?"
The man agreed without a thought, reached out, and took it.
"Thank you," said the stranger. He then added, "Two hands now, and remember, hold tight." At that point, the stranger jumped off the bridge.

The man on the bridge abruptly felt a strong pull from the now-extended rope. He automatically held tight and was almost dragged over the side of the bridge. "What are you trying to do?" he shouted to the stranger below.
"Just hold tight," said the stranger.
This is ridiculous, the man thought. He began trying to haul the other man in. Yet it was just beyond his strength to bring the other back to safety.
Again he yelled over the edge, "Why did you do this?"
"Remember," said the other, "if you let go, I will be lost."
"But I cannot pull you up," the man cried.
"I am your responsibility," said the other.
"I did not ask for it," the man said.
"If you let go, I am lost," repeated the stranger.
The man began to look around for help. No one was within sight.
He began to think about his predicament. Here he was eagerly pursuing a unique opportunity, and now he was being sidetracked for who knows how long.
Maybe I can tie the rope somewhere, he thought. He examined the bridge carefully, but there was no way to get rid of his new found burden.
So he again yelled over the edge, "What do you want?"
"Just your help," came the answer.
"How can I help? I cannot pull you in, and there is no place to tie the rope while I find someone else who could help you."
"Just keep hanging on," replied the dangling man. "That will be enough."
Fearing that his arms could not hold out much longer, he tied the rope around his waist.
"Why did you do this?" he asked again. "Don't you see who you have done? What possible purpose could you have in mind?"
"Just remember," said the other, "my life is in your hands."

Now the man was perplexed. He reasoned within himself, If I let go, all my life I will know that I let this other man die. If I stay, I risk losing my momentum toward my own long-sought-after salvation. Either way this will haunt me forever.

As time went by, still no one came. The man became keenly aware that it was almost too late to resume his journey. If he didn't leave immediately, he wouldn't arrive in time.
Finally, he devised a plan. "Listen," he explained to the man hanging below, "I think I know how to save you." He mapped out the idea. The stranger could climb back up by wrapping the rope around him. Loop by loop, the rope would become shorter.
But the dangling man had no interest in the idea.
"I don't think I can hang on much longer," warned the man on the bridge.
"You must try," appealed the stranger. "If you fail, I die."
Suddenly a new idea struck the man on the bridge. It was different and even alien to his normal way of thinking. "I want you to listen carefully," he said, "because I mean what I am about to say."
The dangling man indicated that he was listening.

"I will not accept the position of choice for your life, only for my own; I hereby give back the position of choice for your own life to you."

"What do you mean?" the other asked, afraid.
"I mean, simply, it's up to you. You decide which way this ends. I will become the counterweight. You do the pulling and bring yourself up. I will even tug some from here."
He unwound the rope from around his waist and braced himself to be a counterweight. He was ready to help as soon as the dangling man began to act.
"You cannot mean what you say," the other shrieked. "You would not be so selfish. I am your responsibility. What could be so important that you would let someone die? Do not do this to me."

After a long pause, the man on the bridge uttered slowly, "I accept your choice." In voicing those words, he freed his hands and continued his journey over the bridge.

Selah