No matter how perfect a diamond may appear it still contains flaws. We try to razzle dazzle others with our shine hoping they won’t see our fragility. We don’t realize it’s the messiness, the humanness that draws people to us and eventually draws their love. I am strong because I am weak. Yet even if we love each other despite or because of imperfections how much is too much? Can someone be to flawed… to broken to be loved? Where is the turn off between respecting and loving someone else’s humanity and accepting that no matter how much you may deny it your compassion does have a bottom?
I am not a selfish person but then again maybe I am. I needed him to meet me halfway. To acknowledge both verbally and in actions how he felt about me and if he cared. He wanted me to cross blindly into his territory, with no protection, no compass and nothing to keep me warm. From his words and actions he had known the pain of unrequited love but not love. Maybe not even compassion, let alone passion. I wanted to be that soft place for him to land. But I could not tread blindly into that good night.
Every word I uttered was scrutinized. Every action dissected. Every wise-ass comment was mined until he found the hard nugget of truth. It felt as if the empty spaces and barren places in his life were morphing into a form of abuse in my own. What is the tipping point? My desire for a relationship kept me second-guessing what my spirit kept telling me was true. He was not the one. Even now I question could I have done more and done better? Why was I not willing to dive into the deep end of that pool blindfolded? The answer? Cause my Momma didn’t raise no fool.
Eventually if we are wise we accept that while everyone should be loved it does not mean you have to be the one to love them.
"you are responsible for you own happiness. Happiness never comes from outside of you.
If you put your happiness in someone else's hands, they can always take it away.
Happiness can only come from inside you and is the result of your love" ~ Unknown
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