Things Happen

So Thursday was very tumultuous for me. That evening I had planned on taking a sleeping pill, along with a hot cup of tea and going straight to bed. Around 12:30 F. called to give me an update on a mutual acquaintance who was going through a crisis. While I was speaking with him D. called. Of course I immediately hung on on F. to speak with D.

He was driving through my area and wanted to stop. He ask what I was doing and if I could meet him. I had on my PJ's but I said "yes". We met at the Diner a few blocks over. After talking for awhile he told me how sleepy he was and need to sleep for about an hour. The idea of him coming to my home was not even a possibility. We sat in the car and talked for awhile longer. He kissed me and laid his head on my breast and fell asleep. I don't know why but for some reason this touched me. I guess because I could never trust someone I don't know enough to fall asleep in their presences. Eventually he asked if their was a hotel nearby where he could get a few hours sleep...and if I would go with him. I did.

I really had not planned to be intimate with him but then again maybe I did. When we got to the room he sat on bed and pulled me to him. It was so natural, as if it were suppose to be him. So I went with it. Well I would like to report that it was lovely but here's where I have to honest. I have not had sex in 12 years. Yes, it seems ridiculous yet..it's oh so true. Despite what people say it is not like riding a bike. Unless your riding a bike with no seat!

It had been way tooooo long since I did it and it hurt like hell. Yes Virgina you can become a virgin again! He needed two shoe horns and a can of WD-40 to get up in there.We did everything... and I mean everything. (Hangs head in shame) I don't know what the hell all this talk about erectile dysfunction is about but it was not a problem for him! After what seemed like forever (lol) it was over. He went to sleep holding me and holding my hand. It was so very sweet. Several hours later I inched out to go to the bathroom, recover my panties and possibly my pride. When I returned he was awake and round two began.

He was very, very good. However I had to come home and take a Moltrin! I don't think I could have chosen anyone better to reintroduce me into the sins of the flesh. The best part... I feel relaxed about him and the situation. I'm not knotted up about it. I'm not stressing it. Whatever happens will happen and that's just fine. ;-)

Speaking Truth To Power...

Why is it so difficult to so say the things that need to be said? Last weekend I went to a party and met a guy. Good looking, sexy, great kisser! I will admit he had me feeling some type of way. The best part was ole boy was there. Perfect! Anywho, new guy seemed very nice. We made out like crazy during the party. I'm becoming an excellent warning when I was once such a shining example.  It seemed like a good idea at the time but now he seems to think I'm ready to have sex with him. Did I lead him on? Why can't you have a perfectly good make out session and leave it there? He invited himself to my home yesterday. When I said I would rather meet him somewhere he became defensive. WHY PEOPLE!!! This is all I want to know? Why does any kind of contact with a man make them think it's an invitation to your vagina? I swear I feel like 'm holding onto the last piece of chicken at an NAACP convention. I ask myself why I keep holding out... The truth is I don't want to be left alone in the wet spot. I don't want too separate my feelings. I want all of me to be fully present. That can't happened with a shadow of a man. My loneliness is palpable, my heart is tender. But I could not say any of that. I'm feeling all my emotions and in the end that's a good thing. Why do I have to be sorry I'm not ready to have someone in my home? in my bed? center square in my life without them having earned that position? Why can't I just say that and not be considered a bitch...